BATS in the Belfrey!

July 30, 2005 at 3:24 pm 3 comments

*open scene*

The SETTING:

A lovely YOUNG WOMAN sits in a comfortable chair as she knits. The room is cozy with a fireplace, overstuffed chairs and the TV running quietly in the background.

The ACTION:

As the YOUNG WOMAN counts her stitches a shadow passes by overhead. Startled, the YOUNG WOMAN glances up (and loses her count) only to see the ceiling and nothing else. Shaking it off as a moth or a flicker from the TV, the YOUNG WOMAN resumes her count. She swears MILDLY as she realizes she has to count 98 stitches again.

Suddenly, the shadow passes again! This time with a slight “swoosh” noise. Forgetting her count again the YOUNG WOMAN looks up and around convinced that the world’s largest moth has invaded her home.

With HORROR the YOUNG WOMAN see a black shape swirling around her family room. It’s not a moth! It’s a bird! But wait…what…what IS thaaaa……?

The YOUNG WOMAN screams with HORROR as she realizes that the winged intruder is actually a BAT! That’s right! A rodent with wings is in her HOME!!! Horrified and at a loss for what to do the woman continues to scream and her MANLY HUSBAND enters. The MANLY HUSBAND has a split second to realize what is going on before the BAT zeroes in on him. Grabbing the nearest weapon at hand, a pink and white striped dishtowel, the MANLY HUSBAND begins an epic battle with the fiendish creature in his home.

The PROTECTIVE DOG barks on encouragingly…but without venturing too near…as the MANLY HUSBAND flicks desperately at the BAT in the house. After a few failed swings of the towel and with a CRACK and a thump the MANLY HUSBAND unleashes a well aimed towel snap and the BAT falls to the kitchen floor. (That’s right…a winged rodent…on the floor…in the KITCHEN!!!) The YOUNG WOMAN holds back PROTECTIVE DOG as MANLY HUSBAND scoops up the fallen combatant in the pink and white kitchen towel.

MANLY HUSBAND tosses towel and BAT out the back door. BAT does not move. MANLY HUSBAND insists the BAT is just stunned while YOUNG WOMAN looks at him skeptically. What to do? What To Do? YOUNG WOMAN takes action and gets a broom. Opening the back door ever so slightly, YOUNG WOMAN pokes at the BAT with the broom. No movement. MANLY HUSBAND decides YOUNG WOMAN is not prodding the BAT in a manner that would awaken the BAT from it’s slumber and takes over the broom. Poking with the bristle side (of course! YOUNG WOMAN should have known BAT prodding always needs to come from the bristle side) MANLY HUSBAND elicits no response from the BAT.

The CONCLUSION

Finally, it’s apparent that MANLY HUSBAND is just tickling a dead flying rodent with the broom. So he scoops the BAT up and deposits it in a FLOWER POT. MANLY HUSBAND is proud of his repository choice as it will allow the BAT to fly off if it awakens from its current state of DEATH.

Relief spreads through the formerly sleepy little house as YOUNG WOMAN, MANLY HUSBAND and PROTECTIVE DOG determine that the BAT must have come down the chimney. But wait, could that be the chimney that the bird’s nest is in? The same nest that has the high pitched baby birds chirping in off and on all the time? But…how could there be birds and BATs in the same chimney???

Oh dear GOD! Those aren’t BIRDS….!!!!

*end scene*

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Entry filed under: Nuggets, Rant.

Regis, I’d like to use my lifeline. Charlie and the Slipper Factory

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jessica  |  July 30, 2005 at 4:48 pm

    AHhhhhhhhh!!!! The horror!

    Reply
  • 2. Baa Bonny Belle  |  July 30, 2005 at 6:17 pm

    OMG, Suzanne…so that’s what I heard last night, screaming coming from the North. Trust me, you would be hearing me just as well if one gets into our house, and they are around here, flying and making those icky noises at night.

    I have to say, you have quite the talent for spinning a good tale, giving it the “umph” it needs to actually visualize you not being able to count those stitches. 🙂

    Good to hear the MANLY HUSBAND is done tickling the bat and all is peaceful again…hope the FBS survived.

    Reply
  • 3. Impossible Princess  |  August 1, 2005 at 9:20 am

    I would have wet myself and tried to killone with a knitting needle!

    Reply

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